


abyss

by sansuishi



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Loki has a monologue inside his mind, M/M, end of Thor (2011), sad with fluffy ending is my mo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 13:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2111640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansuishi/pseuds/sansuishi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Loki falls into the endless abyss of the Void, he starts to feel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	abyss

All he sees is a deep, frightening blue, engulfing his form, his thoughts, his existence. He feels as if he's sinking into an inevitable, painful and premature death as he falls and it is scary how small he feels, how insignificant, a dust of life sinking into the unknown void, into the oblivion of his life. The fall is long and his feelings change as he falls, the fear being replaced by an utter and unexpected, unexplained calm. It is cold in here and he enjoys it, a cutting coldness that sinks into his bones an makes him feel as if he is home, perhaps for the first time in his entire life. He realizes he had closed his eyes in the first stage, the stage of fear and accredits his tranquility to it, deciding that seeing nothing is better than seeing the colorful speckles of the rainbow bridge growing farther and farther from his reach. Left only with the darkness, he remembers. He remembers a long and golden hair, smooth hands producing a flickering light or a full world of wonders at the command of his voice. He remembers golden walls, green mazes of a garden bathed in sunlight, the chirping of birds welcoming the dawn at his windowsill. His feelings change again and he wants to tear his own throat out for it hurts. It is painful to think of what he left behind, of what will never come back. To be so certain that he will fade into cosmic dust too soon, after making such great plans for himself. 

He was so childish, so selfish. 

Somehow, he deeply wishes he could go back, undo all the wrong made to him and by him, walk through the green mazes and give another command to the bright cloud in front of his eyes and see it turning into a giant bird with all the colors existent, it's wings open and glorious, sweeping him out of this cold, endlessly blue hell. He knows,  
however, it is far too late to ask for help. No one can help him, he has no one now. He remains between sadness, despair and regret as if those were wolves pulling at his limbs, threatening to cut him in pieces. It hurts as much. 

Finally, his fall reaches an end. His body is enveloped by something oddly warm and he assumes it is his own blood. He could not feel anything breaking, could not truly feel how fragile the structure that holds him standing is as it crashed against the bottom of the pit he jumped into. He does feel the tug of it, however. How when in a second he's falling at an incredible speed and suddenly, he's still, and warm, and small. He curls up around himself. There is no noise, no sight and he does not feel pain, only relief. Maybe he is dead but not forsaken, not entirely. Maybe he will not suffer the eternal punishment reserved for those who end their lives before the time, maybe he will have mercy because he felt regret before any punishment could be brought upon his frail, delicate form. He cries and it feels as lava against the cold skin of his cheeks, his voice rasps an apology to Gods knows who but he cannot hear himself. He chokes in what little air his lungs can hold and more hot tears fall. 

Slowly, as he remains curled and crying, cold outside but burning on the inside with feelings he had left aside for so long, -too long- he noticed he is moving again. Not further down but back up. He is emerging. He dares not to open his eyes, not even for a moment. The mass of warmth around him is radiating and the thin layer of ice he imagined around him as a capsule is thawing, disappearing. The coldness, ice and lack of warmth was never something he disliked but now he craves warmth, sunlight, the golden walls as everything he needs to live. He wants to live. More than anything, he wants to live and he clings to the emerging warmth for his life. 

The darkness slowly fade. He can hear something, not clearly but he is sure there is sound. There is music to his ears as he recognizes it is a single voice saying his name, assuring him he is safe, he is not lost, he is loved. He dares to open his eyes and the face he sees is the face of heaven. There is blue but it is not frightening, it comes as pair of orbs, beautiful. He sees it, all of it and suddenly it all feels as an insane dream, some trick he performed on some poor soul and returned to him as a punishment. Time feels strange and he is unsure of what has changed since he started to fall, how long has it been. 

The face so close to his, the shapeless warmth around him mold into two arms and he sees the flickers of deep orange, of pink and green and blue, of all the colors, all together is the most surreal scenario he could ever fathom. He is alive. He is someone. He has someone. He is loved, he loves and he is saved. 

He is Loki. He was saved by the one he loves. And he can believe, after the abyss and the invisible magnet of insanity tugging him to death: he is loved in return. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago but didn't feel like posting until now. Hope it's good enough!


End file.
